My Lola
I'm not sure how to write this, or even if I'm qualified enough, but here goes. My lola, I don't have the vivid childhood memories that others have, I don't even have the "remember that time when..." moments that I can share. I was so far away, me here in LA all this time, while you were in the Philippines, sometimes in life we take it for granted, we convice ourselves that we have time, we never stop and slow down and make time for the important people in our lives. All the more reason as to why this past May became so precious to me, so valueable to me. I got to spend time with my lola, my Lelang. All the stories you told me while I was there were old and were stories the rest of the family had already heard, but you see to me it wasn't, it was all brand new! Your talks with me became stories, than the stories became tsismis, that turned into you giving me lectures on the bible, always trying to convert me......ahahaha I loved it! You were always asking if I was okay..., if I had eaten..., if I had enough sleep..., what I did the day before..., what my plans were that day..., I hate to admit it but deep down I am a "momma's boy", I lost my first grandmother in 1990, it sure felt good to have a grandmother again right there in front of me.
While in Philippines I saw how everyone loved you, how passionate everyone was towards you, how everyone was so eager to give you affection and respect, and I was so lucky to participate in it. Because Lola I realized that in you is the foundation, the architect, the matriarch, the root of a family tree that spreads its branches across the world, from Los Angeles, to Perth Australia, to London England. There were several times in the last couple of years that we thought we had lost you, that they said it would take a "miracle" if you recovered, I remember hurrying to renew my passport in the hopes of making it to your beside while you were still alive hoping it wasn't too late. Well miracles do happen, and you got better, and you got even more better and by the time I saw you in May you were able to climb up the stares to see where I was sleeping! Climb up the stares Lola?...WOW ang GALING!
This past Thursday the news came, they said you suffered a massive stroke, that you could no longer walk, no longer talk, or open your eyes. I just feel so helpless right now, so powerless, I want so much to jump on a plane and put myself at your bedside, I want so much to be there with the rest of my family and share collectively what we are all going through. All that I have of yours are the pictures taken while I was there in May, the memories of that time and this worn out bimpo that you gave me on my last day there in the Philippines, I was sweating as ususal, when you noticed you gave me the bimpo so I could wipe the sweat from my head that day, I guess now I can use it to wipe the tears from my face. I thank God for every day, for every hour, for every minute I spent with you that month in May, I'm happy you waited for me lola. I know you're getting ready to leave this earth, please know that I'll always carry you in my mind, and in my heart.
I love you my lola, my lelang.
What I learned after staying in the Philippines for a month
- speaking english in some places will get you dirty looks
- having conversations with relatives you haven't seen in 23 years can get intense
- I love saying "hello" and I really hate saying "goodbye"
- a strong family, is never a perfect family
- massages can get addicting
- tsinelas while it is raining, over rocky roads, dirt, mud, tsinelas 24/7
- K.K.K stands for Kataas-taasan, Kagalang-galangang Katipunan
- the concept of time does not exist, there is no such thing as being late
- the best drivers in the world are in the Philippines
- that I traveled 7,300 miles and what I found was....MYSELF
- the simple life, is doing the things you like and being with the people you love
- the best meals are still made at home
- get your pasalubong done early and out of the way
- never ride the bus, ever
- concealing a gun in your waistband or purse is a good thing
- mosquitoes love American blood
- one month, is too short
- I'm a lucky man
Balikbayan, going back home
No matter how "Americanized" I get, now matter how long I've been away, I have always had an interest into where I came from. There are always "what ifs" in life, what if I had grown up in the Philippines? What if my family had never moved to the States? What would my life be like? I guess it was destiny? or just chance? I surely had no control of it, it was the decision of my parents on where I grew up where I did, and where I would be living the majority of my life.
This past May was pretty awesome, I had the opportunity to go back to the Philippines after a 23 year absence. 23 years is a long time, I was looking forward to not only to reconnecting with the lifestyle, the culture, and the customs there, but I mostly looking forward to reconnecting with my family. With regards to my family in the Philippines, all I can say is that, I'm lucky, I really am, I'm more like blessed. 23 years is a long time, but being around them and getting to know them, the 23 years seems to melt away, it felt as if I had know them all my life. To my family in the Philippines I feel forever indebted to them, they took me in unconditionally with an open heart and treated me like one of there children, with a Filipino style that so hard to replicate here in the States, traditional Pinoy ways that I think a lot of us Fil/Am's are missing out on.
I saw things and experienced things that you could only find in the Philippines, the crazy traffic, the slums, the weather, the jungles, and just the everyday grind and lifestyle that just have a certain flavor that make it uniquely Pinoy, its hard to explain, but coming from LA to the Philippines, you feel like your from another planet. Being Fil/Am it was refreshing living and practicing traditional Pinoy ways, like eating at the table with the rest of your family, "Mano po" having to bless your uncles or male elders, kissing and acknowledging your female relatives every time you wake up in the morning or when you first see them or when you are saying goodbye (saying 'hello' and 'goodbye' is never, NEVER taken for granted), taking your shoes off before you enter the house - let's face it, in the Philippines everyone wears tsinelas, but there are two types, one pair of tsinelas you wear for when you go out and one other pair of tsinelas you wear for just indoors, and finally food, food, food, food, and more food, every gathering no matter how big or small, you will be offered to eat, and it doesn't matter if you visit a well to do house or a house in the slums, they will offer you something to eat, I didn't want be to rude, so I ate and gained a lot of weight on this trip.
To me seeing my lola was worth the trip in itself, just that and I would have been happy. I got to do a lot of things and got to see a lot of places while I was in the Philippines, all of which I'm sure was "just the tip of the Iceberg" of the things you can see and do here. But what I valued most, what I will take back with me and cherish most is the bonding, the time, the connection I had with my family, I valued every week, every day, every hour, and every second that was given to me. It's not the places I saw that I cared about, but it was the family time, the talks with each one of them, the gatherings, the interaction, the feeling that I was one of them, the sharing of tears, the sharing of laughter, that to me is what I prize most.
If the Philippines were my home
Got this info from this website http://www.ifitweremyhome.com/
